3 Skills to build your Most Important Relationship

Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you will have.

How is yours doing?

It took me ages to understand that this basis for all my other relationships, and that if I couldn’t do a good job relating to myself, then the others wouldn’t be right.

Because what you tell yourself and how you feel about yourself matters.

In your relationship with yourself you learn to love and nurture a relationship and that will help every other relationship you ever have.

If you can give yourself joy, love, compassion and kindness, how do you feel? Pretty good, I hope.

And when you feel good, how will you interact with those around you? Your partner, your children, your parents and friends and all the other people in your life?

I’ve seen the difference it makes.

It’s so important to give to yourself before you can give the love you want to others. When you feel the love pouring into you, it you have more than enough over to share with others.

There are many ways to show yourself love, and these are skills you can develop. As you develop your relationship with yourself, you learn valuable relationship skills that you can use in all your other relationships.

How do you improve your skills at anything?
Applying your creativity as you practice.

Relationships are a matter of creativity.

How do you create love, understanding and connection?

With creativity. You are co-creators of the experience.

Let’s focus on a few very useful skills you might want to develop.

Giving and receiving love

Love is a two way flow, both giving and receiving and with yourself, you need to do both.

Here are a couple ways to practice this.

Let the love flow

To do this, go to your heart and feel love from yourself, from your creator or the earth, and from others that care for you.

Feel it wash over you in light and warmth. Let it flow into your heart and to every cell in your body. Let them feel the electric energy of love taking care of them. If you have a symbol for this love, that’s perfect. Call it to mind. Whatever reminds you of pure love. Do this for a couple minutes every day.

Make a list

What are a few ways that you would show someone that you love them?

A walk, time together, listening to music or making a special dinner. What would you do? If you have a few ideas, then great, now you know how you like to experience love. Pick a few and do them for yourself.

Emotional creativity and strength

This love skill will help you deal with those moments when you are faced with feelings you don’t like. It’s so important to develop this in order to communicate how you really feel with others so you don’t splat them all over the place and others.

Negative self-talk

Practically everyone has some sort of negative self talk in their minds.

It often arises spontaneously, and it’s easy to become habituated. Some people manage to get their motivation from it. But it’s a terrible way to talk to someone yo care about.

When a negative thought pops up, practice recognizing it. Build an awareness first. Then give yourself three new thoughts instead, if not positive, then at least not negative.

Find your inner strengths

Do the inner strengths journal exercise if you haven’t. Give yourself acknowledgment for every strength. Give gratitude for whatever person or situation has taught you that strength.

Experiencing kindness, compassion, and joy

These are the beautiful states to cultivate within yourself on a regular basis. When you have them inside, you can pass them to others. They influence your actions and decisions. Think about how you act when you feel joy and kindness. You can create them in you at any time.

Live in your heart

The basic idea is that when you live in your heart, you come from a place of love, kindness, joy and compassion.

Doubt, fear, and worry live in your mind. Always strive to move to the heart in your expression. You will feel so much more of each of these emotions.

Live with Purpose

An important part of how you relate to yourself is the purpose you find in life and what you do. Living your purpose is a great gift you give yourself. It makes everything you do in life easier and more meaningful. At the highest level it bring true fulfillment.

Identify your values

The first step is to determine what is important to you. What would you say are your top values? You might want to look at them from different areas of your life. For example, at work you might have a different value expressed than in your relationship with your partner.

Identifying these values is part of creating the life you want. Learn what is important to YOU.

Putting your values into your purpose

The next step is to take these values and write out a purpose that includes them.

Make a purpose for your life written with the values you identified. This one is important for your relationship to yourself. It is your purpose behind everything you do. Make sure it has something for you to do and something to become. You can write purpose statements for the other areas of your life as well and be sure to include an expression of your values.

Give this gift to yourself. When you are able to align yourself with your values in all you do and think, you will find that a lot of resistances you face crumble.


Your relationship with yourself is your most important relationship. When you take care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, you will be a great place from which to give to others.

Focus on building skills that you can bring into your other relationships by first starting with yourself. I’ve seen people do major turn-arounds in their life by starting with themselves.

Your relationships are an expression of yourself, so be sure to bring your creativity to them, especially the one with yourself.

Love yourself first. Then give away that love.